Vincent The Dragon

Sighs....i suck..plain and simple. I thought I had gotten over my inability to take control and be more forceful..i though wrong...un-familiar surroundings, I turn in. Un-familiar people, I turn in. Un-familiar situations, even ones I want and dream about, I turn in or run away...Which is the true me then, the one I feel I am or the one I keep showing others?

i felt it coming on during the week..i should have know better...When i have periods of lucid creativity is a good sign that i am getting sick...With all the windy mush/slush/rain we had during the week...It started to hit me Friday, got worse in the trip up and Sunday i felt really really bad. High fever, i am sure, my upper back and neck are still hurting and I'm not feeling the best..but..Scott had a chest cold too, we joked that we seem to always do things together..I must have given him my sickness too...He went to the hospital last nigh...
...
I am sorry Love, i wish i was by your side...at least i could keep your water glass filled or give you tissues or something.

You ill, it's prolly un-intentionally my fault and i can't do nothing about it

;_;

What to say...hrmmm...
Been really busy at work and home – getting ready for to see my Scott ^_^
We are going to spend most of a week in closer proximity, i've been giddy with anticipation..I wish i could jump in the truck right now, drive like 400miles/hr to give him a kiss as he heads out for work.

It feels more, for lack of a better word, Right this time..I mean the relationship. I learned and loved and still do Qat and Ty. They will forever have a place in my heart, not matter where i am. I do wish they were near..I will see them again some day, i promise.

Long distance relationships are hard...i know, “no Shit” right?...Well i think we do pretty good with what we have. We have known each other for little over a year..my how it seems longer. Perhaps its the feeling of familiarity or oneness that makes the time seem longer for me...The fates are a damn silly bunch, placing us on this Earth so far apart...Well some day that will change, Dragons have wings after all...

There is a picture of you Scott, on my tack board of you in front of that neat building..your wide smile ^_^ It makes me smile when i see it too, on the outside and in...makes me warm, happy, longing.

Far to long had they been
Those secrets of my mind
Far to long were there
things I should have said
The darkness of all, I was lost in fall
searching for reason
searching for time

I waited for that winter sun and that cold light of day
emerged in ghosts of childhood fears
the pressure built until stand it more, I could not

I threw myself in the sea of feelings.
I let those waves wash over me.
The fear of Love I did face
Dragon's tears of sad, turned then to glad
The wings I had now could fly
and I shed those tears I could not cry
My self that was behind the ice
I feel him now as your warmth made to break the ice
I have little power of this, and you know I am still afraid
those walls they have crumbled
the water is moved away, the me I was has slipped away
and as I slowly stand on the beach, all cold remains of the me I was before
are burned away by the warmth of you

Nice weather this weekend - Mmmm..It was a great feeling having the warm air on the skin, sun shining.. *purr*..Got a good deal of work done on the house.

I can't wait to see you Scott...I'd love to stand in the sun with you in my arms

You would not know it from looking here but quite a lot has happened recently actually. Lets start with the teeth...Well..The root canal went fine ($700) and the crown is on its way after the dentist put a re-enforcing pin in the tooth and took castings for the crown ($1200). The lower molar seems to be ok-ish but i can tell by the way it feels that it will have to be root canaled some time as well – Lets hope they can save the crown thats on it, chances are good since it is a steel crown and not porcelain.

Lets see, plans for going to my Love is well in hand ^__^

Fancy has a nasty urinary tract infection that i had to take a day out of work to bring her to the vet, she got anti-biotic and is doing much better

And I had a friend and his Mate over for the weekend for some movies, nice meals I cooked, enjoying me prance around the lair necked, borrowing my bandwidth, mutual pawing and stuffing the dragons muzzle *^_^*

the rain comes and as the temperature waxes and wanes it turns to ice, then snow, than back to ice as Mother Nature rants undecided. The trappings of mankind interrupted as the world bends to her power. The trees naked in the storm awake to find themselves in a sheen of glass. Beautiful but heavy, sullen and like delicate crystal works some break and shatter and splinter themselves upon the land, draping and pulling against the wires of humanity. So then dose humanity hovel itself inside, disconnected from the warmth they have so been accustomed to. Like all thing the glass passes, the warmth of the sun breaches the world of crystal and ice. The delicate still covered structures become wet and bright like sugar candy sucked wet by the sun. Slowly the wires of humanity are strung anew and they get back to the lives they knew. Some perhaps more worse the wear, some angry about things they can not move, and the rest reflective in the face of Natures eternal grip on the world. We are but just one of the creatures that walk upon her, and although we alone of them all have the power to both destroy and save Her, we should not forget that she has the same power over us.

Yup..big ass ice storm, been without power since Sunday night and yet still...I find it disconcerting however that in the community that i live in..not a single person has managed to get out of their homes and check on their neighbors, Make sure everyone is dry and warm for the night, clothed or hungry..No, they rely on those they put in power to save them, hold their hands and tell them what to do...what to consume; for it's all they know how to do..Take, consume...It's no wonder the USA is where its at..all the power of the Sates has been chiseled away, as the constitution is re-written to put the power of the people on the hands of the Federal government...it's easier that way..you don't have to take responsibly or be expected to produce anything.

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Sooo..i had this laptop, its old. At some point a few years ago i took it all apart to see if i would be useful as an Mp3 player for the truck. It was not going to work for that so i went in a box. I dug it out...eep..it's back together and working again ^_^ not totally sure what I'm going to end up using it for but it will be fun to play with.
Thanks Scott for inspiring me to get it out and toy with it.

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Well...I'm in the chair again...
Trying to concentrate and come up with stuff to say and i am coming up mostly blank.
Iv'e been a bit lazy lately, just hanging out in SL or watchen Babylon 5.
My love for Scott keeps going ^_^ I long for the time when we can progress the relationship but it will be slow due to distance and stuff (pout).

Wow...the nurse just noted that my chart needs 'thinned out' removing and archiving the stuff in the back of the file so it's not so thick...I've had Crohn's for 21 years...For a long time it ruled my existence...I've come a long way.
(^_^)
I think i'mma be lazy and watch tv..

Review was today..on a scale of 0-9 i got a 5.12.
No..I said NO..I rate better than a just slightly marginal amount above 'meets expectations'
After much talk, bossman asks what he thinks i should be so I say "7"
...
He says he will see what he can do, during our conversation about various points on my review worksheet he did admit and say i had some good ideas and whatnots...we will see...

ok..so. Dental appointment...cleaned teeth, flied the cavity that was noticed last visit..oops i have 2 more. Where do they come from..i do everything i am supposed to, cut out nearly all sodas, even stopped drinking as much coffee as i used to...Well..it come from Crohn's disease..yup..we have higher acid in our saliva and it causes the issue when we sleep...so I guess i must stop sleeping now as well..oh! yeas and that one tooth ths bee odd - its dead - no reason, just died, that means root canal...todays visit $800, root canal will cost $500 and the crown for it will be another $700...

-_-
Dragon NOT happy

A thing happens to me when i become taken by a good story; I amerce my self in it, I obsess over it. The good stories do this, they draw you in; make you reflect upon many things. The books in my bio, many of those are in that category. PERN, Dune, The Once and Future King, Michaels book, Born on a Blue Day, many others. I add now a new one to the list. At the poking of my boy friend I acquired the Babylon 5 series. I have immersed myself within it, having pretty much watched an entire season this day. One thing is different; for the first time i truly feel the wish to have another next to me while entranced with this story. Whatever happens Scott, that feeling tells me much about myself; for i have had dreams, wants, fantasy about such things. This time its different, for the dream has more than a feeling; it has a face and a name...Yours...and this time the fantasy is more than mere companionship; more than the closeness of another, more than a kiss or a caress..no, its much much deeper.

Damn it's cold outside.

um...nothing much else going on, still waiting for my review - I'm done being silent, if i get the micro-manage crap and/or barely above average marks - I'm lighten him up - My numbers are green accost the board and those numbers don't take into consideration all the other things i do that are outside my classification - There is a reason i have 4 outstanding achievement shirts and the support and admiration of ALL of my service technition peers and the entire sales staff.

I never go the email saying we were going out Saturday...poo, i was hoping to get out of the house. So, yeah, i spent it mostly lounging and cleaning the house, watching about half a seasons worth of Babylon 5's - Sunday was better ^_^ Chatting with Scott and building that CentOS computer - it is going to take over as the web server, while i get used to the OS i will be building another server to replace the windows domain controller/file server - I want a client/server system like the windows2000 server but done so with Linux.

i need more sleep -_-
and
also i'm starting to have an issue with my teeth .. again!
have appointment but 2 teeth are having a problem, possibly the root is infected.
One im not so worried about as a root canal will work - the other..is a crown...that means the tooth will have to be replaced with an implant - its the anchor tooth for my lower partial

So any way; spent the weekend doing 2 things.
1) Bill came over and i helped him finish off putting together his new computer. We spent most the afternoon working out a nice custom wiring job ^_^ it looks all pretty in the case now...I should have taken pics.

2) I dug real deep into this CSS thing for the web site i am hosting for Qat. I learned a lot and did more than i though i was going to be able to figure out. I still need Scott to clean up the code and massage a few places here and there - but it reminded me of how i like to do web code; even though i am grossly out of date with the modern web codes.