Vincent The Dragon

They could not save him...he passed away during the procedure to unblock his urinary tract...his bladder burst, went into shock and passed away.
...
Good bye IT, you were loved.
You were a gentile soul and we will miss your soft purring and snuggles.

One of my cats seems in discomfort. He is not moving well and gets up and moves about a foot then lays back down, wobbely and stiff. Yesterday he was visiting the litter box alot to pee but did not pee much and was groweling when he cleaned himself. I figgured UTI but now his breath is a but sour, slobbering a little and has labored breathing. I found a few clear vomits on the floor. I don't hear any fluid in his lungs. I can't get him to eat or drink...no way i can take off work to bring him to the vet abd we dont have the money...if there is anything anyone can do..please help me save my cat.

Been thinking about what to update on...nothing new...just getting poorer and poorer.
Save money cutting out things...life just gets more expensive in response.

It does not help that we are making payments on things for other people...never again will we help or assist family; it bites us in the ass Every fucking time.

We live here on the charity of others, can't even afford to stand on our own as is.

I am so tired of it.
ready to give up.
I am a manager and i make less now that what i started at my old job and it had benefits and a bonus structure.

Money is still not there.
saving some by dropping my car insurance to state minimum.
Also, I am not on Will's medical insurance as the place he work allows same sex domestic partners on the insurance. Thats going to help a little. My pay will go down since I will no longer be getting a stipend added to my check to help with health care but it will still save about $150 a month and also the deductible will be less so mebe we can get out of this hole or mebe i can afford to find a job somewhere else.

On a good note, we went and saw the new Start Trek movie. It was pretty damn good, I like hoe they gave several nods to us old school fans and incorporated lots of things from the original time line. The plot of the movie was not as riveting as its old school counterpart but all in all it was a good movie.

Bills i can't pay this pay check:
State tax estimate $100
Phone/cellphone/internet $285
small credit card i have but the bank shutoff because my credit is in the shit can $25
medical credit card used for dental expenses (WAY past due on 6 month checkup) $50

now..i did pay my medical insurance but it was a few days late...so they canceled my coverage.
I send off a very detailed response to the lawyers suing me on behalf of the hospital for like $12,000 i still own them stating pretty much that i expect to go at least $5000 in the red this year...Their response is to file for a default judgment against me...You pay now!

So...why try anymore?...why work?...why bother trying to live?

we are having ramen noodles and boiled eggs for supper and for some reason thats beyond me, i will wake up tomorrow and go to work.

Soo...apparently the Dragon is a size 4 in 'girl'

Near the lilac bush; in between her friends Miss Duster and Mr. Speckles we laid to rest FancyLu. Friend, Companion, Loved one, Family member ..she touched many lives and we will see her smiling face and wagging tail again some day. For now we have our memories.

Good bye for now FancyLu.

The reality of the situation is...i need $400 by the 15th or the check i am sending for state taxes will bounce.

4 Months of 'saving' money by not paying for the credit cards, buying not much in the way of food and just generally doing zero extra activities and i have enough to cover the state taxes i owe but only if i pull every bit of money i have together and that leaves zero dollars for gas and food for the next week and a half.

I was hoping to have been able to save...something...even after my raise i cant afford anything for my self...I don't go anywhere, i don't do anything, i don't have friends..all i do is work, clean and cook and spend a little time in SecondLife which is not all that great since i need a video card and eye glasses.

I am getting the short end of the stick here and i don't know how much longer i can take it and keep smiling.

So here i am at the kitchen table watching some things boil on the stove. Been eyeing that un-opened bottle of Capt. Morgan all day really wishing i had someone here to share it with.

My Time with my Wolf is always short and seems rushed, i dont have any friends, i try to find some but it dosent go anywhere. SL has become less exciting and more drama or it just leaves you with an empty feeling.

I wonder if i will ever get back to the way i was before the flair up, its hard to feel good about yourself when symptoms get in the way.

You people have broken it.
Second Life is a 3 dimensional content driven social interaction simulation with creation, editing and modification abilities…or it was.

The SL I remember was like this. You went places, listen to things, found people and you Interacted in the world. You used the tools you have to emote with your text, your gestures and used the world around you. You walk up to people and you talk, used gesture based emotes to add to the experience or used animations to assist in the role you were portraying. If you wanted to do other things, you took the person and went somewhere and used the things around you to enhance the experience of the role before you.

The SL it is now. Your avatar stands in the middle of the room playing endlessly the same animation. Sometimes there is a little chat but mostly its just stupid things, silly things; which are fine mind you and fun too. Most of the conversing however takes place only in a direct PM to an individual and if you decide to take things to another level..you do it all in PM’s just standing there. Clubs are full of zombies either Sexting the zombie next to them or is just simply wasting the server load and my frame rates.

People say the posing animations are cheesy or have this or that problem. Or texting is a more enhanced way of role play…I call bunk! Innovation doesn’t happen when you don’t use things; it happens when you do use things and offer suggestions or want more. That’s how the code that runs my tail was born, just ask me about it. Texting is not more, it’s more of the same type of social interaction we had since before the World Wide Web was born. SL is broken because you’re lazy and you’re selfish.

Lazy because you don’t want to be part of the solution or apply effort or time with an individual because you can just stand there and IM me from time to time while your off doing something else but using the world around you to create an actual fantasy role requires you to concentrate on that task and the person on the other side of the screen.

Selfish because you take up space, time, compute cycles…you don’t want to emote or animate in public then turn off all the crap on your AV and just stand there then, preferably not in the middle of everything. Find someone you want to play with?..leave, go somewhere else and stand there, I’ll offer you my personal spot in SL if you want.

There have GOT to be people still in SL like me, places to go in the world where people interact in the way Second Life was built for. If you’re on my friends list and read this and now don’t want be, I can accept that and please let me know. I may not understand it but I will comply without question. It is possible that the greifers won, that all the people I want to interact with have gone and taken MY SL with them and all that’s left is YOUR SL.

Don’t be offended by my rant, these are my feelings, not yours and I would be happy to discuss it with you, in front of you...

Close to 10-15 times in the evening and now on my cell phone at work.

The debt relief people said the credit card places could really be a pain...getting aggravated at the though...Heh..only 3.5 years of this to go... (-_-); shit...

Doing A LOT better..almost back to my old self.
Still getting used to things but am not in pain very much. Started drinking a glass of red wine a night like i used to a long time ago and thats really helping. The nastier parts of the disease are still there but not near like what it was. I hope it will all go back to the way it used to be...

One thing i know for sure is that all this down time is that I am out of shape..I delivered my first machine since i went down for the count. There were several trips of the old and new machine parts being dragged up and down a flight of stairs...my legs have hurt for days...

When i had things this bad before...i was 20, taking huge amounts of prednisone and i had my mom to come home to...

Now?...I'm 40...these fistula are not like they were back then...I came home today feeling like a MAC truck ran me over again, shaking like a leaf because i was so cold and in pain and very afraid i was going to run my car off the road...

The only good days I have are Mondays...huh, go figure, after a few days of rest, having a crapper within reach and a tub to rince out the crap (literally) from the fistula's so i dont spend all day in searing pain. I have enough energy to fix food ( i am having a glass of red wine, lortab and ramen tonight); keep my self clean...

(end of rant)

...
Thoughts?
I have a followup with the surgeon who did my illeocolectomy in 5 days...I don't want to be a burden but i want to have a reason to live.

I wanted to see The Hobbit at the I-Max but me and Will have not been able to go together so I decided to go with a friend. We had it planed for this Saturday, the movie schedule said it was playing but apparently it got bumped by Hansel and Gretel which looks like a sucky effects movie that i have zero desire to watch...so i guess i missed my chance to see the Hobbit in 3-d