Vincent The Dragon

went to a gay bar with some girl friends i know...First time for me for such a thing. I had fun...too lacking in self confidence to try to dance but...and i don't care for dragg..never have... But it was nice to be hit on by someone, especially since he was nice looking ^_^..ohyeah..er.. um.. i was too nervous and stuff to really make a go if it...and.. well.. he was Pretty drunk..
...
Im not a quick relationship or 1 night stand kinda guy, i've never had those kinds of feelings...but the eye candy there was nice ^_^
...
still i feel a bit sad..well.. longing is more like it..Even if somehow Scott and I work out to be more than deep friends..its a long ways off..and...i have needs...and I'm not getting them fulfilled RL...I watch them...the couples...holding hands, cuddling in the booths, kissing..close physical contact, a hug...

I'll go back there, see what happens...its not a perfect place for me...loose the dragg, the smoke..and the place Don't have Guinness !
but i got to do something.
..
Oh, and Scott...I will get better at StarCraft...i may never win a game with you...but someday , i'll give you a run for your money

Today, i reserved my hotel room in Toronto...
..it's happening, I'm coming to see you Scott.

they are..>_> I have proof...

Todays project...install Ubuntu on a drive in my test bed. its a odd drive. 120gig but must have the dynamic disk overlay to work..Ubuntu look past that and installs then fails to see the drive properly on boot..several tries later (and most of the day) it now running in a 8gig drive with the 120 as a secondary..which had to be manually mounted..pain in the ass..

Also

My housemates computer rebuild not going so great, my 'copy' of XP that i have used for years has decided to no longer validate..not sure what to do..mebe go back to 2000..

Also

my main workstation...several hours of tweaking to fail at getting my APC UPS to work, the one that the web sites had nice easy directions that failed to work..somehow it killed my sound...i failed at getting that correctly resolved, atm my sound sounds like shit. AND it also killed my ability to browse the network, which means i cant assess my backups, mp3s, porn, or be able to print...

Solution,,,unless Scott has some Foo the Google machine has not...re-install...

Its October...
Its 90 degree
...
!!!
Made it a bit hard to work on the house this weekend..my body kept telling me its supposed to be cooler than this, there must be something fundamentally wrong with the universe, go back to bed and wait it out.

Thank you everyone for the surprise party in SL - it was a total surprise.
...
Dragon feels still overwhelmed and loved.

I can imagine it was no small feat to pull together.

ThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyou.

I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You I Love You

I has Cake ^_^

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One of the reasons I like Star Trek so much is because of a saying that I once heard that really does apply:
“Everything you need to know about life, you can learn from Star Trek.”
So I quote a line from one of the movies, one of the better movies emotionally:

“How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life.”

Society tells us how we are supposed to feel about death and it’s fundamentally wrong. Yet, we can’t help doing it some degree or another until we have learned that is wrong. You start to go about life after loss, try to slip back into your normal routines, you do things that make you feel good, make you feel happy; and then they make you feel sad, you feel bad that your happy when you think you should be sad. Why should you be sad, why should you be sad for having known someone, been close to someone, been a friend to someone. Would they want you feeling sad about them, or happy? I’m no psychiatrist, and don’t have answers. This is the first time I’ve seen someone close to me, truly close to me emotionally, deal with loss and so I don’t know how to deal with it. Am I saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing….I don’t know…It’s very hard for me to type this out. These are my feeling and my thoughts, and yes this is the supposed purpose of this web site. My thoughts when I enter them here are not always complete; they are more like my way of trying to work things out sometimes. Unfortunately the person I am speaking of, reads this blog, or maybe it’s fortunate…I don’t know…and I’m afraid of the unknown…

Its ok…to feel good, it’s ok too feel bad.
It’s ok to feel.

I perceive time differently I think. Like a ball of taffy warmed in your hand as you hold it out to the sun, it melts and strings down in long slow strands through your fingers to the floor. It’s a fallacy in my part in the way that I perceive the world. I have the ability to pull half of my self out, detached; the dragon side of me, my other half, my duality. Although this entity inside of me is not present in the physical world it is no less real to me; and although it is also me, it is detached. We take an instance of time and construct it in my mind, like a program and then turn it on and watch it propagate through the fabric of time. I may poke at it, prod it along its way here and there; but when it’s reached it final destination; we look at it, gather data and then roll it all back; reset all the switches and do it again. Only this time I change something, a small nuance a decision on my part, or someone else’s part; something minor; then let the program run again. Let it spread out across the fabric of time and see where it goes. We take the culmination of that data and parse it against the first then roll it back again and again and again; play it over and over through the fabric of time. Inevitably I wind up with two outcomes to the situation; one good, one bad. I would hope that I then take the good one and try to implement its outcome in my life, steer things in that direction. More often than not I think perhaps I take the bad one and try to make it so. I still don’t understand why I do this. I believe it may be a result of living the majority of my life in fantasy, where I have a little bit more control. I’d like to think that I let these programs run unattended in my mind but I know better then that. Therefore their outcome is flawed data, not real. Part of it is because I am still socially detached. The problem, such as it is, is that in doing so; because I have lived an instance of time over and over and over and projected it into the future many many times is that I loose track of time. Because an instance either in the past or in the future has run itself through my mind so many times it seems old, in the past, farther away than it really is. I can through a months worth of time, of living, of life, inside my mind in the matter of a week, and so a week may seem like a month to me internally and I don’t recognize that I have projected that internal sense of time to the outside world. Thereby rushing things and not allowing them to actually propagate in real time in the real world. Now knowing this perhaps I can make changes to the way these programs affect me. But I think they are part of what I am, I suppose time will tell. Perhaps it won’t, either way…

Gone now from this Earth are you. I will remember your snoring and stealing my pillow in the night. Mysister calling you specskels when she was young, your purrpurr as you were held and cuddled, your cuteness when cuddeling Meouth or Duster...
...Good bye Mr. Speckles..you were a good cat...

I has a Tail
^^_^^

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Dragon At Nemmie Dragon and his Wolf mate's lair - Dragon have fun hanging out.
*^_^* er...and stuff..

So like the hotel decided to charge the room for the school to my debit card, rather than the Corp, card they were authorized to use...all in all looks like $200.00 in fees for overdrawing - we will see when the dust settles - my company better damn sure take responsibility for these fees and/or pass them along to the hotel.

Ok, so like i go up to my Dad's house. Told my brother, father, step mother that I am gay.
...
What the hell have i been afraid of all these years? All three of them pretty much finished my sentence and already knew for the most part. All are happy for me and supportive.
(^_^)

Scott, Dad hopes to meet you some day, and Michael and Tyler too - yup I could not stop talking about you all.

Filling out passport application.
going to see my Dearest Love - ASAP
*^_^*

well, i made it home.
Got 100% on the final - went to the airport and finished listening to the book Scott sent me (Born on a Blue Day - Danial Tammet). Very good book, made me cry several times in the airport. Lots of similarities in my life to Danials.

NewJersy airport fails me once again - 1.5 hours of delay because of weather (the sky was overcast....) then we get on the taxi and the pilot comes in to meekly say that we are 47th in line for takeoff...i missed my connecting flight in Cincinnati and had to stay the night in the terminal. I am supremely tired, a bit sad as i kept imagining coming home to have Scott meet me at the air port. Happy because i Love him so very much and sad because it will be a while yet before i can hug him.