Vincent The Dragon

I perceive time differently I think. Like a ball of taffy warmed in your hand as you hold it out to the sun, it melts and strings down in long slow strands through your fingers to the floor. It’s a fallacy in my part in the way that I perceive the world. I have the ability to pull half of my self out, detached; the dragon side of me, my other half, my duality. Although this entity inside of me is not present in the physical world it is no less real to me; and although it is also me, it is detached. We take an instance of time and construct it in my mind, like a program and then turn it on and watch it propagate through the fabric of time. I may poke at it, prod it along its way here and there; but when it’s reached it final destination; we look at it, gather data and then roll it all back; reset all the switches and do it again. Only this time I change something, a small nuance a decision on my part, or someone else’s part; something minor; then let the program run again. Let it spread out across the fabric of time and see where it goes. We take the culmination of that data and parse it against the first then roll it back again and again and again; play it over and over through the fabric of time. Inevitably I wind up with two outcomes to the situation; one good, one bad. I would hope that I then take the good one and try to implement its outcome in my life, steer things in that direction. More often than not I think perhaps I take the bad one and try to make it so. I still don’t understand why I do this. I believe it may be a result of living the majority of my life in fantasy, where I have a little bit more control. I’d like to think that I let these programs run unattended in my mind but I know better then that. Therefore their outcome is flawed data, not real. Part of it is because I am still socially detached. The problem, such as it is, is that in doing so; because I have lived an instance of time over and over and over and projected it into the future many many times is that I loose track of time. Because an instance either in the past or in the future has run itself through my mind so many times it seems old, in the past, farther away than it really is. I can through a months worth of time, of living, of life, inside my mind in the matter of a week, and so a week may seem like a month to me internally and I don’t recognize that I have projected that internal sense of time to the outside world. Thereby rushing things and not allowing them to actually propagate in real time in the real world. Now knowing this perhaps I can make changes to the way these programs affect me. But I think they are part of what I am, I suppose time will tell. Perhaps it won’t, either way…