Vincent The Dragon

Yay for parties!

*flop*
i need sleep
(z_z)___

going to a Kentucky furs party waaaay far away...ah well, hope to meet people i have not spent time with in a long time. Perhaps make some contacts, who knows, it never hurts.

Working on some DJ software so i can DJ in SecondLife

Ubuntu 9.10 seems to work fine for Bill's HTPC as it sees the vid card...but..adobe flash player sucks and drops frames

I had a date thingy last night...I don't get the change to do that very often.
Nice guy, I'll call him Steve...Local to my area too.

Kinda 'small worldish' as we have ran into each other before, more or less, when i was employed. Such things are bound to happen with the relative small population...well..not small...greater metro and outlying area here puts it at 500K peoples.

Dinner then back to my place for wine and music and FancyLU being the centre of attention <_<
I am hopeful for a good friendship and someone to do things with so i am not so boring..hehe. While he is not into the fur fandom, i have managed not to scare him off yet so that's a good sign...

...so if you gather up a group of gay men to play cards, would that be a pokehim night?

ok..so i have a bellsouth.net account...they were bought by AT&T who bought Yahoo...i am sure somewhere on some tiny print on one of the dozens of emails i get from at&t they mentioned something to the effect that they were changing the way their spam trap works ...

Bottom line is that i was not getting ALOT of emails; they were in the spam trap and only stay there for one month then are deleted...and you can ONLY see this spam trap directory if you log in to the web mail side. Also, outgoing emails are not being delivered as the system flags you as 'infected' and puts a '[SPAM]' in the header so the receivers email marked it as spam and for the most of you, you never got my emails...I have edited the damn spam thing but there is no way to edit the outgoing settings that i see...

all the main blog pages photo galleries have been fixed.
Images now work again but it seems i have misplaced the originals of half a dozen so they are only 800x600
That is not bad but i would like to find my originals...

results are, no active signs of Crohn's Disease.

That IS a good thing

cant eat food today...prep for colonoscopy

had some friends over, watched tv, ate pizza, drank beer

Dr. appointment today
The past years accumulations of blood work shows that the Remicade is working. my CBC ad C-reactive panels are all stable and show little deviation during the end of the treatment cycles.

it's nice to know that 22 years of fighting Crohn's Disease is a battle i am not loosing.

ok...so, you were online with your old accounts...The ones i deleted months ago when i asked about them and you told me you were never going to use them again. I should have known better than to expect contact on the account we have always contacted each other on before. apparently the same goes for email, i should have somehow known not to use the one we have used in the past...you know..just somehow..I am supposed to know you may have missed my calls to you when your Cell was off. I was supposed to know that you said you would talk to me on a certain day but you decided not to...wow, sorry, my bad.

Lets turn back the clock here a month ago...The last thing my friend said to me prior:
”hey hun sorry i missed our work out Wednesday i didnt realise i wasnt logged into my yahoo till you had already went, ill be going over to ty's for the weekend so i wont be here for todays work out, ill make sure monday is free so we can go then.
talk to you when i get back.”

the monday in question freind would say:
“thank you Vincent for being my friend and thank you for doing all that you have done for me. I feel like my life has changed in a different direction than where it was in the past. I am sorry to say I feel it best if we should part ways...”

What I would have said:
“Thank you Kaz for being my friend, and thank you for all that you have done for me. I am sad and disappointed that I will not be in your life anymore, but I understand and wish you the best of luck in your future direction. Know that I will be here if you have need of me, and I will remember you always.”

Instead you took a different approach and rationalized to yourself and those you choose to have changed for that you are the victim of me....so be it then...I would however like to say thank you

thank you for going camping with me

thank you for showing me how to make a mean gin and tonic

thank you for sowing me that people can be ashamed of being near me

thank you for letting me buy you cloths

thank you for taking me to the Y

thank you for playing video games with me even though we are completely different at it

thank you for showing me friends don't confide in me

thank you for letting me work on your computer and your car

thank you for pointing out my weaknesses

thank you for kissing me

thank you for letting me kiss you

thank you for letting me do your homework until 12am while you go on a date

thank you for being there for me when I was broken hearted

thank you for showing me I can still be romantic

thank you for letting me be there when you were broken hearted

Thank you for being the first guy I took as a date to my fathers

thank you for showing me that friendships mean little

thank you for showing me I could be passionate

thank you for telling me we had no sparks

thank you for introducing me to music I have not heard before

thank you for letting me take you to a club

thank you for staying at my house for weeks and not offer to pitch in

thank you for letting me pay your room at AC

thank you for showing me I can have dreams

thank you for giving me thoughtful gifts

thank you for meeting my friends, online and off

thank you for not letting me meet most of your friends

thank you for showing me that dreams can be false hopes

thank you for showing me that even best friends will hurt you

thank you for reminding me that people are selfish and forgetting

thank you for being incapable of ending a relationship with any modicum of decency

You have changed, changed with every new person you encountered in your life, you changed in odd and quick directions but you failed to grow. You failed to take those experiences and say thank you for them. Someday you may.
Good bye my friend, may you find your path.

i got something really neat for my birthday, something i wanted a lot, only better.
Mom got me Metroid Prime Trilogy (^_^)
I did get what i actually asked for as well, truck mats.

its been a month since Kaz decided to close his eyes and pretend i don't exist...this is BullShit...i deserve Something!
i had to track down his new BF and send him and email, this should get his attentions or like the email said...i come knocking on the door and neither kaz nor his parents are ready for that exchange.

ok, so Bill has this really nice 1080p TV - big sucker
with my help he now has a really kicken signal processor too (7.1)
so, he has assembled over the past few months all this plus some nice PC parts to build a really good HTPC.

ok..so we installed windows on it, no problems things work ok...on to Ubuntu....
OK...so overscan is off- i knew that would happen although i had hoped the fact that the TV being and LCD this issue would not be.
buuut...Ubuntu refuses to see his Nvidia 9500 videocard in a way that makes installing the non-default restricted drives a pain.

So, got the driver installed (Nvidia REALLY should have some, you know directions...) It's fun because you have to remove the original drivers with you have to do without the gui running or X

OK, got that working...no..before we go into the custom screen resolution for over scan, lets get sound working (HDMI with digital audio passthru)..OK thats not hard...back to the display ... making all kings of Modeline resolution changes and its not doing anythingto the display...now...if you dont know this yopu have to do this wiht out the gui running and without X, editing a file in nano (command line file editor) turn on X (but you dont have a gui) and see what your #'s did...then back and forth and back and forth and..Why is this not changing??? ... >_> oh...hey, lets check the tv's settings..oh..look lets turn off this force centering thing and use the "just is" setting...wow...OK, no special modelines needed but we kept the custom Xorg file anyway...waiiit, now sound is broken...

Well..put the xorg file back to its default and sound works again.
Buuut...system will not browse his windows workgroup, Secondlife refuses to launch with a really odd error, compiz will not install, flash video crashes, Boxee crashes on startup.... -_- ... So...setting up the machine to upgrade to 9.04 up from 8.10 up from 8.04 and Hoping like heck that Bluetooth will still work and that these oddities will clear up a bit

..ummm..nothing...

I don't know what to say or where to begin; I am … I feel betrayed and worthless and hurt.

Maybe my feelings for him was a fair amount more than just calling him my best friend, which I did. I knew he was flaky, others told me the same. But. He held me when I cried, I was there for him when he needed the same, we explored ourselves against the other, I took him places, he went with me to mine, I took him to see my dad, I helped him with schoolwork, he gave me gifts, we talked of living together and had elaborate plans, I bought him things, he spent weeks here, we have been naked on his parents bed, watched movies, played games, music...without talking to me and when I needed him the most, struggling with issues; he removed himself from my life and I don't even know why...

It hurts

Thank you Scott for telling me to type

What measure of self do you imposed
when life betrays you time and again?
What purpose do you find when you look inside
and see only fleeting moments of light?
What do you do?
Where should you go?