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When i read a good book, one that tugs at feelings; it makes me cry.
Good movies will too I try to hide it for some silly reason when i am around others..i need to work on that, allowing myself to be myself.
anyway
This is the first book i have read that falls into the romance novel description, smutty one too(which i enjoyed much).
it leaves me happy, sad, longing for a deep relationship, wishing things had turned out a bit better in my live than they have, wishing i did not live so much of my life confused and closeted.
it was a good book
Out of Position by Kyell Gold
and it will be on my mind for a while.
You are brought up to beleive that crying is bad...It's not..And its better if there is someone you care for there with you.
One of the memories that weighs most heavy on what makes me ME, is being held by someone that cared for me, and i cared for him; while sobbing. The reason for the crying on my part was one of loss and deep sadness, but the tenderness of the moments there, being held...I wish for those moments, hoping sceptically that they will happen again.
P.S.
i knew you were not ready, so i never said it.
You needed...we both needed, to do some things. Oats to sow i guess, but in my mind i hoped you would realise something and come to me. It did not happen and i think you knew the thing i never said and that is why things ended the way they did.
I think now, i should have told you that i loved you.
I suppose i still do, or this p.s. would not be here. Will time give me the things i need to get over you or will i always long for your return?
...damn it..