Vincent The Dragon

So here i am at the kitchen table watching some things boil on the stove. Been eyeing that un-opened bottle of Capt. Morgan all day really wishing i had someone here to share it with.

My Time with my Wolf is always short and seems rushed, i dont have any friends, i try to find some but it dosent go anywhere. SL has become less exciting and more drama or it just leaves you with an empty feeling.

I wonder if i will ever get back to the way i was before the flair up, its hard to feel good about yourself when symptoms get in the way.

You people have broken it.
Second Life is a 3 dimensional content driven social interaction simulation with creation, editing and modification abilities…or it was.

The SL I remember was like this. You went places, listen to things, found people and you Interacted in the world. You used the tools you have to emote with your text, your gestures and used the world around you. You walk up to people and you talk, used gesture based emotes to add to the experience or used animations to assist in the role you were portraying. If you wanted to do other things, you took the person and went somewhere and used the things around you to enhance the experience of the role before you.

The SL it is now. Your avatar stands in the middle of the room playing endlessly the same animation. Sometimes there is a little chat but mostly its just stupid things, silly things; which are fine mind you and fun too. Most of the conversing however takes place only in a direct PM to an individual and if you decide to take things to another level..you do it all in PM’s just standing there. Clubs are full of zombies either Sexting the zombie next to them or is just simply wasting the server load and my frame rates.

People say the posing animations are cheesy or have this or that problem. Or texting is a more enhanced way of role play…I call bunk! Innovation doesn’t happen when you don’t use things; it happens when you do use things and offer suggestions or want more. That’s how the code that runs my tail was born, just ask me about it. Texting is not more, it’s more of the same type of social interaction we had since before the World Wide Web was born. SL is broken because you’re lazy and you’re selfish.

Lazy because you don’t want to be part of the solution or apply effort or time with an individual because you can just stand there and IM me from time to time while your off doing something else but using the world around you to create an actual fantasy role requires you to concentrate on that task and the person on the other side of the screen.

Selfish because you take up space, time, compute cycles…you don’t want to emote or animate in public then turn off all the crap on your AV and just stand there then, preferably not in the middle of everything. Find someone you want to play with?..leave, go somewhere else and stand there, I’ll offer you my personal spot in SL if you want.

There have GOT to be people still in SL like me, places to go in the world where people interact in the way Second Life was built for. If you’re on my friends list and read this and now don’t want be, I can accept that and please let me know. I may not understand it but I will comply without question. It is possible that the greifers won, that all the people I want to interact with have gone and taken MY SL with them and all that’s left is YOUR SL.

Don’t be offended by my rant, these are my feelings, not yours and I would be happy to discuss it with you, in front of you...

Close to 10-15 times in the evening and now on my cell phone at work.

The debt relief people said the credit card places could really be a pain...getting aggravated at the though...Heh..only 3.5 years of this to go... (-_-); shit...

Doing A LOT better..almost back to my old self.
Still getting used to things but am not in pain very much. Started drinking a glass of red wine a night like i used to a long time ago and thats really helping. The nastier parts of the disease are still there but not near like what it was. I hope it will all go back to the way it used to be...

One thing i know for sure is that all this down time is that I am out of shape..I delivered my first machine since i went down for the count. There were several trips of the old and new machine parts being dragged up and down a flight of stairs...my legs have hurt for days...

When i had things this bad before...i was 20, taking huge amounts of prednisone and i had my mom to come home to...

Now?...I'm 40...these fistula are not like they were back then...I came home today feeling like a MAC truck ran me over again, shaking like a leaf because i was so cold and in pain and very afraid i was going to run my car off the road...

The only good days I have are Mondays...huh, go figure, after a few days of rest, having a crapper within reach and a tub to rince out the crap (literally) from the fistula's so i dont spend all day in searing pain. I have enough energy to fix food ( i am having a glass of red wine, lortab and ramen tonight); keep my self clean...

(end of rant)

...
Thoughts?
I have a followup with the surgeon who did my illeocolectomy in 5 days...I don't want to be a burden but i want to have a reason to live.

I wanted to see The Hobbit at the I-Max but me and Will have not been able to go together so I decided to go with a friend. We had it planed for this Saturday, the movie schedule said it was playing but apparently it got bumped by Hansel and Gretel which looks like a sucky effects movie that i have zero desire to watch...so i guess i missed my chance to see the Hobbit in 3-d

Well..i called a few places...they did not care...just said there will be late fees and blah blah blah...nothing has been shut off...yet.

My boss actually said with a straight face in a meeting that although i am still healing and although i have to stay late some times; i need to set aside time to work late to get done all the tons of things i have on my plate...Like fucking hell i am.

Being in the hospital and then home means no paycheck...all sick and vacation time used up.

We can't make the ends meet when i do get paid...now what am i supposed to do?...called credit card places; they don't really give a shit and will not do anything but note it in my account and let me know there will be late fees and other assessments. Can't get a hold of the car loan place or the phone bill place due to 'higher than average call loads'

I hope we can get by on what groceries we have for the next 2 weeks and pray that i can find enough money to put into the gas tank.

been out of the hospital for a week.
getting stronger
spent time baking cookies
dealing with symptoms i have not had for years and years...lots of pain...

having some tests ran next week to see if Remicade has stopped working...lets hope not.

Not having any money and spending so much time so close to the holiday in the hospital has made the season somewhat lesser for me...

nope...can't poop.

Went back in for a look, stricture is the problem. Too much scar tissue.

Should be having surgery Friday or so. Rather than do the normal step down off the steroids, we are stopping them cold turkey. It's not likely that i will be released until after the surgery due to the steroid jump off and the fact that without proper nutrients I will just get weaker. In the hospital, they can give me the diet that will keep me alive but not hurt me.

Half way through the school, I started having issues.
Managed to make it home then...
Well, I wound up in the hospital Sunday. there is an area where the terminal Ilium meets the actual poop pipe that has always shown active irritation. It closed up almost totally.

massive antibiotics, massive steroids, clear liquid diet and bed rest. Now we moved to solid food again and we will see. I don't have high hopes; its most likely going to require removing that part of colon.

We will see...

heading out Sunday to drive my ass up to Chicago for a copier school i don't really want to go to.

Crohn's symptoms getting better but still lingering.

Watch the new Breaking Dawn movie with my Wuf...FYI, the wolfs in the movie are beautiful.

No money for the holiday this year...everyone is getting baked goods.

Nothing else going on, really...Shower, sleep, work, eat, poop, dishes, laundry, shower, repeat...

So the meds i got from the ER cleared up the chest cold thing rather fast. That's good...

I am having some symptoms of Crohn's that i have not had in a long time...that's bad...
I am giving it another week and if things don't start subsiding, i will have to go see the doctor so we can get this back under control fast. I remember being in much more pain that this for a lot longer in my past but i truly hope this is a short term thing.

Got the moving truck all packed and we headed out...10 hours of driving...motel...10 more hours of driving.
The scenery was nice and pretty, pity we could not linger for some photo's.
Richards place in nice...big...the town is nice looking, not too urban but not in the sticks.
worked our asses off unloading then i got on a plane; barely made my connecting flight.
Got stranded at the airport 'cause my ride fell asleep.
Meanwhile my chest cold kept getting worse; by Friday I was pretty damn sick.
Wound up in the ER Sunday...

Got some medications and a pass from working for a few days. I go back to work tomorrow but I am feeling much better.
My Wuf did a great job of caring for me while ill.

Well, we got all moms stuff packed up and in the moving truck; tomorrow I drive her 20 hours away...