Vincent The Dragon

When i had things this bad before...i was 20, taking huge amounts of prednisone and i had my mom to come home to...

Now?...I'm 40...these fistula are not like they were back then...I came home today feeling like a MAC truck ran me over again, shaking like a leaf because i was so cold and in pain and very afraid i was going to run my car off the road...

The only good days I have are Mondays...huh, go figure, after a few days of rest, having a crapper within reach and a tub to rince out the crap (literally) from the fistula's so i dont spend all day in searing pain. I have enough energy to fix food ( i am having a glass of red wine, lortab and ramen tonight); keep my self clean...

(end of rant)

...
Thoughts?
I have a followup with the surgeon who did my illeocolectomy in 5 days...I don't want to be a burden but i want to have a reason to live.