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oh noes...what is it with me and walls of text ^_^

11/04/07

  11:57:48 am by Vincent The Dragon, Categories: Announcements [A]

So, I am setting here in Mel Lastman square, just outside the hotel. It’s a nice, quite place – I’ll snap a few photos in a moment. I’m collecting thoughts and such. Thinking about things; things likely not the best stuff to think about this early in a relationship. Truly this is our first real time together. Even though we try to bring as much real world into our online chats and such, it’s hard to truly be oneself until you meet face to face. Thus far I am Not disappointed in the least. Scott you are nearly everything I had hoped you to be. I like this place, this town. I’m sorry Michael but I can very much see myself living here. Whether it’s a fallacy or not or just part of my personality I do project my thoughts into the future, I stand away and analyze the data I see, think about what’s best for all. I know my ‘career’ is not going anywhere soon, yes I make a good amount of money, yes I can afford a house..but…no, I’m not happy. This place is not perfect – I’d rather it is a bit more open, you don’t see 2 men walking the street hand in hand and yet this is a country where same sex marriage is recognized. It’s expensive here, like all large cities. Certainly there are things I would have to give up. Money is money, it’s not happiness. I’d rather be poor and happy.
I felt the wish to kiss you Scott, more than once; but I’m also afraid. I’ve never felt this way before, not like this anyway. You have me, I’m yours and I’d likely do just about anything you asked of me; but I’m also an equal. I want to share life with you, not follow you around in yours. Due to the nature of our meeting and so forth, certainly that’s what happened to a degree. That will change as time goes by, were you visiting me, I’d be running the tour, heh. We have a long way yet to go. I’ve always felt that I’d fall in love with my true Mate someday, and I never saw or seeked out any other than that Mate; Likely not the best way to go through life. And I’ve been too afraid to truly seek for a long time. You, Michael, changed that in me. I may not be seeking the way or as strongly as some think I should. I can’t say what you are seeking Scott that would be for you to decide. I only know this; I feel comfortable by your side, happy and warn inside when you hold my hand. I want to snuggle you, touch you, play games together, grow together, fold the laundry as we talk about our days, go shopping, I want to make Love to you. For the life of me I don’t know how to start, to begin. I fear going to fast or not fast enough. I don’t know what the future holds for us and I don’t know what I’d do without you; or how long I can go without seeing you again. Truly I’d hope that next time we meet RL, you can come to me for a while, see what’s here if only to see it; I really don’t see us living there. Michael, you know I Love you but for a good while now those dreams of the days to come don’t have you in them with us all under the same roof. You will always be there, always have a special place in my heart and I’ll always feel love for you. It’s possible, I’ve researched it a bit, and you can still be with me and Scott if the future holds for us living in Canada. I do realize that it is very much a silly thing to think about such things. Lots of time is yet to be passed before such a thing is ever to come to reality.
By the same token Scott, My dearest one, I can see you in Kentucky. I see you making great things happen in some company there; either in some type of programming/database thing or if only to be a great IT specialist. There is a not so much open source thing here, but I’m sure Berry Plastic’s world wide operations headquarters (now based in Evansville) could benefit from the enormous cost savings and logistics of a cheaper intranet infrastructure.

I have hopes, dreams, wishes and wants – I know better than to expect them all to come true – but save for one – I don’t want to be alone anymore – I just don’t feel at home or at ease where I am now – I need to move, start over, be me…learn more about what is it to be me. I’m not perfect, far far from it, but I do have a lot to give. Giving is what I’m good at, getting; that I’m not used to.
I find myself asking myself “What is Love?” – I have no idea, not really, but I feel drawn to you Scott and I find no other reason that fits, than Love.

The coffee is empty, my fingers chill, a quarter I gave to the fountain, I wished on it…

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This is my first attempt at blogging and replaces my original web site that has been online since...a long time ago. If you came looking for The Dragon BathHouse and Cafe, this is it's replacement. There will be lots do do here and if you are not carefull you will learn all about me. I might learn about me as well, along with metting and/or learning about you and that's the whole point isn't it ?

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