Vincent The Dragon

**edited thrice now that i have some sleep**
it would appear i maintained a certain level of skepticism on my part about knoll's intentions. i also allowed him to gain some power over me. i have learned so much in so little of a time. i was greedy, needy perhaps. i wanted more. i was naive deep down i knew something was terribly wrong. i share fault in this as well, i lied to myself. I believed your words knoll they were what i wanted to hear. i may not have experience but i know what i think things /should/ be between friends, companions and lovers. when you came to me then said nothing but just loomed over me and TP'd out to another location i knew you wanted me to follow. it was late as i did not think i could have told you what i needed to so i left. last night when you came to me with your scripted little act between you and your buddies and said things to me...i wanted so badly to tell you that i did not want you but i still thought your words to me before were true so i wanted to help, i did not want to hurt..i thank the powers that be for Sam and other friends in Lusk. Sam saw straight through you and Hal already knew of you. Hal is likely working with you. it is most likely that the staged event was to get me to run to him. Whom can tell what that night might have done to me. some of all your little bands words were true, i do have a gift i do want love. i am sorry for you that life has done something to you all that makes you bereft of knowing what friendship or love is. i don't know what i will do when we meet again, we will meet sometime, SL is a big place but i will not give in to my fears you will not chase me away with your idle threats. you have no power over me, you never did, the power was within myself the whole time...its a scary world out there, i always thought the world was what me make it to be; and i still do...no i will not change who i am. i will make more mistakes. i will not give in or give up.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

Cat, good Cat, i truly hope i don't have to run to you like i did last night... this blog will be even less interesting if i fill it full of thankyou's to you...and i dearly want to remain your friend no mater what path my life takes me to.
...
i thought seriously about deleting the Bleah post...no it must stay.

its now 10am - i have not slept - these words i have written...i know they are not...i know i am not eliquant enough or knowledgeable enough to properly express what i want to say or feel after what has transpired thus...

/re-reads/
nope still clumpy but its the best i can do right now - i needed to post something - i hope i can sleep now.

**slept for 12 hours...muddy sleep waking up, looking over things...googleing people, checking backgrounds, myspace entries...turning myself paranoid...questioning incoming IM's from people thinking "are his intentions true, are 'they' still playing with me"... i just dont know anymore...its surreal how i let myself get so involved into something that is essentially not real...i may never be that naive again and yet i might...
...
For those of you playing SL, please be carefull...if you only want a quick yiff then be all means, but think first is that what you really wanted or are your emotions being played with by skilled preditors...
...i just dont know...i just dont know...