Vincent The Dragon

So, here I sit…four hours stuck to a chair in the infusion ward getting my Remicade treatment. I was hoping to come up with something a bit more creative….however my brain seems to not want to co-operate….Nope I got nothing.

Oh well, I guess I will expound upon why I am here. Remicade is an Imunomodulater (big word). It is a modified protein grown from a combination of human and mouse proteins that acts as an Anti-TNF-A inhibitor. Anti TNF-A is one of the trigger cells that make your immune system attack whatever it needs to. People with Crohns have an over abundance of Anti TNF-A and with nothing for the immune system to fight, it starts attacking stuff it normally should not. In Crohns people’s cases, it attacks something in the gastro-intestinal track and causes problems there along with causing some systemic problems like arthritis and joint pain, etc. Remicade sticks to the spots Anti TNF-A would normally so the level of TNF-A actually super increases and tricks the body into stopping production of the protein.

I have been on Remicade treatments since it first came out…does some math…seems like it has been ten years at least. I was DX with Crohns about 18 years ago now. I was in the top severe range; barely able to function with handfuls of pills and lots of rest and pain…lots of pain. It took a long time to get to were I am now; mostly normal and ready to move on with my life but since it took me out of the loop socially during those years one would normally explore those avenues; I can’t help but feel a bit retarded in the areas of interpersonal stuff on top of being quite shy. I am trying to work on it; but I can’t help but feel that my window of opportunity for finding a mate has passed me by. You reach an age were your lack of experience is just weird and since I don’t have any real friends I don’t get exposed to social situations anyway. I am not the kind of dragon that goes out on his own; I need someone to drag me along with them…

Actually, the discussion last night in SecondLife I was participating in kind of hit on it a bit. The discussion was about going to the movies. I was like, well I got a big tv and a nice sound system, so like why bother. The response was to go out with friends and have fun. I responded that the only friends I have are known only to me as a collection of 0’s and 1’s…the discussion ended with that…

I think I will stop now; I seem to be depressing my self. Maybe I’ll try to take a nap; I seem to be tired lately, not sleeping well.