You know those internet meetings you occasionally hear about that end in “OMG I found the love of my life!” – Well…The Cat and The Dragon Love each other.
(^_^) =(^.^)=
Now we have to make sure that love extends out into the real world. Plans are in startup phase for use to do so. No matter what happens next. I love you Snow.
…
The Dragon is giddy and scared and happy and…cant wait to be in physical contact with you.
It would seem that all these years of hiding who i am have been mostly for naught...Thus far everyone i have told and talked to about me being gay have all responded with feelings and thoughts that they kinda already had thoughts that i was or simply are excepting the fact without prejudice. Today i had discussions with my step father and good friend about furry. I had the impression that he thought a certain way about it and was a bit incorrect...whether they are happy about it or not, i am relieved that the friend and family i have told thus far have not gotten all “OMG you sick freak, never speak to me again” but it kinda pissed me off as i think about all those missed opportunities...all the time lost because i was afraid to show the people i love who i am and there-in also closing myself off to the world...
..now i hope the new friends i am making can see it in their hearts to help me play catch-up...
IRL, the dragon has only one actual friend...Not what i would call a 'true' friend but a very good friend...He has helped me more on the house than anyone else and i help him out from time to time with stuff...he borrows tools and i help him with computer stuff. He is the one that usually watches my furbabies when i am away...I have been afraid to tell him because i did not want to loose him as a friend...I told him i was gay about 2 hours ago...i did not loose a friend (^_^)
The dragon is happy - and relieved
Unpacking and putting away stuff from a campout – My last one as a member of that organization.
The non-official/official policy is “don't ask – don't tell” - But – if found out, you will be expelled, this policy is for both youths and adults. I am tired of being alone, tired of acting differently around people...I want more out of life than coming home to an empty house. I want love, companionship, friends that understand, friends to go and do stuff with where i can be who i really am...More and more people are coming to know that i am gay. I don't want to cause problems – so i am leaving – i must move on.
I don't like it, i don't agree with it, it makes me sad. But there is nothing i can do about it.
Ug...sore..not worked hard in a while.
family and a friend over to help with working on the lair and cleaning out some trash and crap from the yard.
Not actually the most stellar of ways to spend a Saturday but it needed to be done and the weather was nice.
...
Its nice outside today too...
...
..
.
Wow...slow week in Vincent's life...not much going on...not really...getting a chance to talk to a lot of new contacts from both Pounced.com and kyfurs.com.
Learning a few more things about how silly i have about my 'perceived' issues regarding crohn's and some of the physical side effects.
...
Talking with others, if only via chat, is helping me gain confidence i think for when i meet up with fursons IRL
(^_^)
and i have picked up the habbit of (^_^) a lot now...not sure why...maybe i am happy...really happy for once in my life.
(^_^)
So like the movie night with sister did not quite happen they way it was planned - she wanted us to see that hannibal movie but it is no longer playing. She was insistent though and brought a movie over to watch on my big screen (^_^)
I kind of thought the fact that she wanted to spend time with me on St.Patty was because mom had kind of blabbed - but it seems she just wanted to spend time with me, we are/were kind of close - i am a listener and family seems to be able to talk to me about their issues and concerns. I don't mind, hell i like to help...but i did tell her i was gay and she was like "oh o.k., so like anyway then i told ...blah blah..etc" it totally did not phase her in the least (^_^).
A new online contact that got me thinking and such about stuff...i registered with kyfurs.com - there may not be a lot of fursons in my area but within a 2 hour drive, there is a great deal more and thats not really very far...
Work was like...busy.
of the 3 techs..2 were out...so like (o_o)
..
Spent some RnR in SL.
Nothing planned at all for this weekend. supposed to go to the movies with my sister.
...
Man I need a life...
Everything is fine
(^_^)
No signs of cancer (i am in a high risk group for that)
Crohn's areas have only some minor irritation, likely due to some emotional stress and the stress of the prep.
I have been upgraded to only needing one every 2 years rather that every 1 years.
so yeah
[happy dance]
Well lets see...nothing much of interest happen lately...
Spoke with an online friend Friday – we talked like until 2am !
He has suggested that i mirror this blog in LiveJournal – i need to look into that. Seems that a lot of furs have LJ and hey, i could use all the advertisement i can get – you never know I may attract the attention of my potential mate or at lease some new friends.
Have been giving serious thought the moving to a new local. Somewhere where i can start out being the furson i am and not the one i have let the world around me see...but...I like where i am at as far as the cost of living is low and I have a good job...I still have a few years to go on this house remodel and then likely a year or more to get financially fit so I have plenty of time to mull it over.
Spring is here. The world outside my window is coming a live...so is the grass...i spent a while yesterday cleaning out the garage, putting away crap that has been in the yard and took the tractor deck apart. Bought some new blades and a new safety switch for the electrical system that has been giving me fits...i need to go out there an finish that up...
Today I start my liquid diet and tonight the prep – yuck – for my yearly colonoscopy.
Yuck
The prep has gotten better over the years but the act of cleansing and the lack of food is not much on the fun factor – the procedure itself – who knows, the meds you are given make you wake up in the recovery room with zero knowledge of the procedure you were awake for...I dont like that, i would rather have memory of what happened, even if there was pain involved.
The busyness of the past weeks work schedule has left my lair in a mess...i will be spending most of the day cleaning- i find myself daydreaming – wishing there was someone here with me – oh the fun we would have 'cleaning' the lair...
I did have a bit of fun while up there. Went to dinner and a movie wif a fox up there i know from online.
It's been a long time since i went out with a friend
I need to do that more often, perhaps, no - certainly it will help with my social skills and felling more at ease...
-
The class was good, got to play with some OS's i don't get a chance to see very often....Mac and Novel.
well - tommorow will be a long day...there is no telling what disasters await me at work...
Back up in Indy - Only for a few days though.
We are evaluating a new course for giving technitions ACCT (Advanced Certified Connectivity Technition) for some of the advanced network integration...boring
I have been to several schools this year, they are getting kind of in the way of life a bit...I damn sure better get a good sized raise this year...
right now...in class...bored...bored...bored
New month - New Moon - New outlook?
A new start perhaps, dont know...but i hope so
It's been kind of an emotional month.
During my kind of mental breakdown last month I finally told mom i was gay
...
I have been hiding so much for so long, pulling inside and hiding behind walls i put up. I always kind of felt it did not really matter because there was nothing really worthy of myself to give to anybody so why bother to let people know who i truly was. My destroyed self image got in the way. i may have issues and such but...i cant let those tie me down anymore or they will surely destroy me...Crohn's has taken so much from me, some of it i let it take...but not anymore...i have no doubt that i will get hurt, make mistakes, likely fall to pieces a few times more, but...i have to believe there is something, someone out there for me...
...even in the darkness there is hope, i just needed to open my eyes to see...
Hal, I made a grave mistake.
I am humbling apologizing for my rash and hurtful conclusion.
...
repairing that kind of damage may not be possible but i wanted what little of the word that visits this place to know that i was a total F-Tard.
...
..
.
Well, its remicade time again…so here I sit…
A lot has happened since the last time I was here. Life affirming soul lightening good things. I have found a friend that has helped me to realize things about myself, made me feel good about myself. I have decided to open up and let the world se the real me..not the one I have shown them in the past..if they don’t like it they can stuff it. I find myself with the confidence to open up to people and feel comfortable talking about just normal stuff…I am sure I have a long way to go, no doubt there will be instances of pain and rejection but…if I don’t get out there and try…alone and in pain will I die. I have no intentions of being alone in life anymore.
Second life is great, I have met and learned things and people there…but I need to cut back a bit…my first life needs my attention right now…I still plan to spend lots of time there…but it does not need to be my crutch anymore.
(^~^)